for an ongoing back issue (nothing severe, more annoying than anything- comes from all my years in the moving industry). She hit me with this: "Once we hit 35, our cells stop reproducing faster than they die so we enter what's called our 'dying stage'". Nice bedside manner huh? Had heard it before but struck me as a funny thing to say. Another relevant quote that I heard recently (I can't remember where): "It is almost always better to do something terribly than to never try doing it in the first place". Hyperbole and just a variation on the "better to regret something you've done than something you haven't done" Buttonhole Surfers wisdom but I still think it's applicable.
I've made a lot of big mistakes. Bad memories haunt me to this day (again, I try to live in the moment as much as possible but it's easy said than done). But STILL, for the most part, I have no regrets and even the shittiest experiences have been valuable (mostly as learning opportunities). I'm also naturally someone who fears having to be "resilient" and have had to force myself out of my comfort zone. Moving to NYC is a perfect example. Having never gone to college or really even done any traveling without my family at that point, it was extremely difficult to go through with it. And yes, it only lasted a year and I wasn't entirely satisfied with how everything turned out but it was a *very* valuable experience and an important stepping stone towards further growth.
I've only been to Portland once a few years ago for my cousin's wedding but it was beautiful and chill and artsy (a little lacking in diversity for a SF native like me but for you it'll probably seem like the UN). So if 2 of your best buds are already there, I recommend you go visit them asap whenever you have the money (really easy to find cheap flights these days- ask around about sites and apps that alert you to ridiculously low ticket prices if you don't already know about them). In the meantime, reach out to them and feel them out. Ask them about their lives, the housing and job market etc and when you actually get there, obviously mainly go for fun but also look at everything through the lens of actually maybe living there, at least temporarily. Also in the meantime, maybe drive to a big city nearby just to clear your head and get a change of scenery.
As far as fields to go into, don't overthink it. Sometimes, if you're in the right environment with the right people, the right path will present itself and/or you may just fall into something that works that you wouldn't have considered ordinarily. That's what happened with me- I never would have guessed that I'd be working in tech *or* finance and I've been at the finance-related tech co. for the last couple years. Again, I'm not 100% satisfied but it's still the best, most fulfilling job I've ever had.
If you need to take a break from music, films and books to deal with your depression, you should absolutely do that. I just thought Goodreads may help get you excited about reading again and hip you to a bunch of interesting books you didn't know about. That's certainly what's happened with me. In fact if you or anyone else wants to weigh in on my "to read" list and lemme know what to prioritize, it'd be appreciated: https://www.goodreads.com/review/list/80532054-ben?shelf=to-read
In the meantime, I'd also echo Ken's suggestion re: writing out your feelings as much as possible, whether on Babble or a private doc (in addition to seeking therapy or counseling). Hang in there, brahski.