There are other aspects, but most concerning to me right now is that I think I might have caused some permanent damage to my relationship with my family, and I didn't even realize that was happening until it was too late. Now that I'm trying to work through it, I think things are getting better, but I can't take back the past. And my feelings keep getting more and more conflicted about what choices are right for me. And I've never encountered anyone in quite the same situation, so there's not really much in the way of advice to search out either.
I'm working through things and trying to figure out how to make things right, but it's been really difficult. Therapy has been a massive help though. I don't know if I would have even made it this far without it.