"For a school with no Asian kids I think we put on a pretty darn good science fair."
Homer: Well, time to go to work.
Homer's brain: Little do they know I'm ducking out early to take the Duff Brewery tour.
Homer: Roll in at nine, punch out at five, that's the plan.
Homer's brain: Heh, heh, heh. They don't suspect a thing.
[camera pans down to Homer's mouth, but he doesn't say anything] Well, off to the plant.
Homer: Then to the Duff Brewery.
Homer's brain: Uh, oh. Did I say that or just think it?
Homer: [panicky] I've got to think of a lie fast!
Marge: Homer, are you going to the Duff Brewery?
Homer: Aah! [Runs off]
"'To remove the spider's curse, simply quote a Bible verse' 'Thou shall not-' [groans and throws rock, knocking spider out]
Homer: I'm here for the Alc-Anon meeting.
Lovejoy: Mm-hm. Third door on your left. [Jasper walks up] Coping with senility?
Jasper: [gruff] No. I'm here for Microwave Cookery. No, wait. Coping with senility.
[downcast] What a terrible waste. [perks up] Hi! I'm Troy McClure.
You might remember me from such driver's ed films as "Alice's
Adventures through the Windshield Glass" and "The Decapitation of Larry
Marge: I want you to give up beer for a month.
Homer: You got it. No deer for a month.
Marge: Did you say beer, or deer?
Homer: .... Deer.
Marge: Please, Homey, I know you can do this.
Homer: All right, starting tomorrow no beer for a month.
[puts the light out. We can hear the sound of a can popping open]
Marge: What was that noise?
Homer: I was saying, "Psssst, I love you."
Lovejoy: So Homer, pleas feel free to tell us anything. There's no judgment here.
Homer: The other day I was so desperate for a beer I snuck into the football stadium and ate the dirt under the bleachers.
Lovejoy: I cast thee out!