A few thoughts of my own which are intended with the best of feeling and much respect so if you find offence in anything then apologies in advance.
I think the older we get then the expectation we have of a certain hobby/pastime et al changes fundamentally. When embarked upon at a younger age there was the joy of learning something new hopefully to last a lifetime with possibly the spin off of earning ones living by said hobby.
A younger mind being more voracious in its dealing with the learning required to master things tends, I feel, to become more docile as we age.
Maybe its that because there is more behind than in front timewise or that the initial youthful drive is has now gone that the impetus to garner knowledge for its own sake evaporates.
So what is the point in picking up something put aside long ago?
In my case re computing it's a case of, on the one hand, trying keeping my mind sharp whilst doing something I genuinely love and learning a new language (Forth) at the same time.
In my younger days there may have been a point to all of this whereas now it's only for my own personal wellbeing and satisfaction.
None of what I produce has any relevant meaning or purpose in the real world but the joy I get from say writing a Forth routine that for example correctly works out the frequency and period for a pendulum of a given length or produce the mechanical advantage ratio of a simple lever system is immense as whilst the problem is trivial, and an answer can just as easily be found on the internet, it tells me that I've understood the logic of a strange new language enough to solve the problem in the first place and I'm imbued with a small frisson of pride which lasts for a while till I move on to the next problem.
The point to all of this?
Well Mike I feel that you are approaching your re-learning of the Spectrum like you did when you were younger and aiming slightly too high. I get the impression that you are after creating something "meaningful" whereas perhaps the learning it's self should be the thing.
The journey well trod as opposed to any final destination I have found be desirable. When younger I created useful routines for help in my work believing them to be important but now I'm happy just to tinker for fun and delight in the odd "victory" rather than aim for the moon.
I do a bit of beta testing for one of the hardware bods and the same for the creator of the Forth I use for the ZX81 and alongside my own tinkering am content and happy at this stage of my life and at this level.
In conclusion it should be a pleasure not a burden
and my own rage at not solving a Forth problem is an example of not practicing what I preach.
Just go with the flow Mike and if it doesn't come back naturally then so be it just enjoy the ride and take joy from the small wins.
As James Taylor would have it...
"The secret of life is enjoying the passing of time."
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