Whereas if its unexpected possibly even anticipated gladly (such as an unexpected overdose of heroin) you are unconscious without any expectation of a quick exit, if it really does occur like that. I bet theres some awful premonition though, the brain doesnt give in easily especially if it senses something amiss.
When I was a small boy I had the most terrifying experience of my whole life so far thanks to an episode of petit mal, epileptic convulsions. It was horrible because the onset is a creeping paralysis and the loss of coherent speech. You know that something is wrong and you cannot do anything to prevent it or even shout for help.
I would shoot myself rather than ever suffer that again (it only occurred once and was caused by television flickering). So no worries about me offing myself with Tramadol, Fred as it warns about overdosing causing convulsions.
From this gloomy beginning you may perhaps understand why I titled this message as I did. Of course I know she's terrified of what she has to face starting tomorrow - chemo plus radiation - and has always had a penchant for destructive temper tantrums during which she will do and say the most unforgiveable things usually directed at me.
I'm fairly bullet proof in this regard having long since learned it usually goes as fast as it happens with no lingering after effects and anyway perhaps theres some truth in her assertions as I have never been the easiest man to put up with as several witnesses would testify. My faults are numerous and I know it, so I can regard these outbursts with aplomb. C'est la vie baby, no ones perfect.
However right now I'm lower than ever in my outlook. Just look at the circs. Blind in one eye, almost toothless, unable to walk more than six steps or so and then only using sticks and my right shoulder is almost as bad as my knees, you can hear the bones clicking at every movement.
I'm sick and tired of being told that I must walk and it will improve because thats simply not so. Its just a question of how long can you take the pain even with Tramadol, Tylenol, Amoxicam doing their best to minimise the pain signals, it does nothing to prevent the worn out bone ends from crunching and refusing to stay aligned even with external aids lashing the knee joints to prevent side slippage.
So I'm a prisoner of this bunk bed, hardly able to sit up and write, my arse keeps sliding away when I try to arrange back support so I end up lying down again and have to wiggle my bum cheeks to get back upright which isnt any fun however funny it may sound.
Good thing I have my laptop and YouTube to provide some company because even when not having temper tantrums Tammy spends most of any day outside on the street where she can smoke. When she is inside with me she is glued to her smartphone trying to write vitriolic posts about the Republicans to put on her Facebook.
Its not a happy situation at all but what can I do about it?
I will not leave her whilst this treatment is being administered and anyway she'd be lost without my social security to help pay the rent, phone, electric, food bills.
I could but won't lean on my daughter who is the only child left thats of any use in providing help, shes already done a lot more than Tammy ever recognizes or gives her credit for, such as paying the taxes on my home in Virginia and I'd rather be there than here believe you me.
Meanwhile back at my YouTube pressure relief videos about NASA and JPL I wish they'd talk in much more detail about the actual nuts and bolts of these various probes many of which have no more computer power than my 8 bit Sinclair, possibly les. Galileo had the same processor as the original PONG machines!
I'll do a seperate rant about this for Freds benefit, I notice he hasnt had much to say lately, hope I haven't pissed him off?
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