Mar-a-lago (IP) - Donald Trump put Tylenol on his enemies hit list again for embarrassing him by appearing in a communique he was supposed to read in public. Trump, who has a fourth grade ability to read, stumbled on the word, sounding it out like he learned to do in Mrs. Higgenbotham's fourth grade class. After three attempts, PS Karoline Leavitt leaned over and whispered the word acetomeniphen into Trump's ear, and he recognized and was able to pronounce it, even though he didn't comprehend it.

Trump ordered FBI director Kash Patel and AG Pam Bondi to investigate and file criminal charges for the makers of Tylenol, who deliberately invented the word acetomeniphen more than fifty years ago specifically to embarrass Trump at this press conference where he linked use of the pain killer to autism. Behind him stood Robert F Kennedy Jr with a particularly empty look in his eyes, like the good old days last year when he was a heroin and cocaine junkie.

"It's a stupid word, assitomephnen, acetoemnefn... let's see, try this again... it's a stupid word from a stupid country... company, and I directed... we can do this the easy way, or the hard way. There are too many long words in the dictionary, and DOGE is investigating Webster and Random House to cut out the waste and fraud. We will have a dictionary me and my base can actually read!!!!"