I knew early on that it was NEVER gonna happen.

People tell me that my joy for life and sense of humor & pure silliness even in the face of adversity are my strengths.

So I knew that by age 20 after that near fatal car accident that left me paralyzed in a traction unit for 11 months trying to release my pinched spinal cord so they could operate to remove chips and stabilize the fractured vertebrae. My chances were low, but it was a chance, so I took it and it paid off! Otherwise, the chips and fractures were going to cut my spinal cord, and game over! I was incredibly LUCKY and sure it would work.

So, being serious, broken over major setbacks and the expected "normal" all the time doesn't work for me.

I accept your reason that you preferred the Z to the J as valid! That's exactly why I chose the J.