This is Funny Fiction.
If you're old enough, you may remember Dark Shadows, an after-school soap opera
about a family of vampires led by patriarch Barnabus Collins.
It was a huge hit among teenagers, of whom I was one.
Enjoy!

Collinsport Maine (IP) - Susan Collins, great neice of Barnabus Collins,
will retire to the family mansion Collinwood in Collinsport Maine.



Collins, who bears a striking resemblance to her notorious great uncle,
served as Senator to Maine for three decades. Among her most notorious stabs
to the back and bites to the neck of Democrats were her votes to confirm
Neil Gorsuch and Brett Kavanaugh to the Supreme Court of the United States,
after assuring her constituents and Democrats that she would not.
She also played a key role voting for Citizens United, and declaring them people,
affirmed by SCOTUS.

Collin's great uncle Barnabus is allegedly still living at Collinwood,
where he has been seen by travelers at night in backlit windows.
During the 1970's Barnabus Collins, already well over 160 years old,
went on a recruitment spree appearing in person outside Maine high schools,
and through appearances on television broadcast across the country
in the after school soap opera, Dark Shadows.



Collins made numerous trips to England,
and to the family recreational home in the Carpathian mountains.

Susan Collins preferred to recreate at Mar-a-Lago with President Donald Trump.
Trump aide Walter Naughty carried Ms. Collin's baggage to a room in Mar-a-Lago
where ts/sci documents were scattered on the floor and left exposed in flimsy boxes.
At night her great uncle emerged from his trunk to comb through the many classified
documents in search of anything he could use as leverage to access Ivanka for a
recruitment neck bite.

Collins discovered Ivanka and her husband Jared Kushner frequently visit
the Trump family ancestral home in the Carpathian mountains, near Melania's estate.
No need for a bite to the neck as Jared and Ivanka was already more corrupt than any Collins.
Along with Steve Witcoff, they have been making numerous grift deals with
Vladimir Putin to secure a long coveted Cheesecake Factory resort spa in Crimea.
In exchange they provided Putin with copies of many of the ts/sci documents,
and especially dirt on the dreaded nemesis Volodimir Zelenskyy.
"There's a good reason why it's called crypto-currency. It's literally currency from the crypt."
The Trumps, Kushners, and Collins made billions of dollars during the Golden Age of Trump.

"There's a good reason why it's called crypto-currency. It's literally currency from the crypt."
The Trumps, Kushners, and Collins made billions of crypto-dollars during the Golden Age of Trump.
However since the great blue mega-tsunami of Democracy swept across America on
3 November, exact value of the trump crypto-currency has been plummeting
like a lead tvrd into the Challenger Deep.
Speculators say it may sink for years before reaching a bottom,

because the convicted felon's grift is likely the deepest on earth.