☰ CUT THE ####ING MUSIC!!! ☰





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ROLEPLAY NUMBER: 01
NEXT OPPONENT: BRIAN PILLMAN
EVENT: ECW ANARCHY
DATE: 12/29/2024
STIPULATION: STANDARD SINGLES
CHAMPIONSHIP: EXTREME CLASSIC FIRST ROUND

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Plush carpeting, ornate wallpaper, and intricate light fixtures decorate the walls of the hallway as the camera trails behind a figure wearing a casual suit and sporting long, dark hair. After passing a series of sequentially numbered doors, the man slows and finally stops, turning to reveal his identity as none other than ECW’s roaming backstage correspondent, Cyrus. Catching his breath, he takes a second to straighten his tie and coat.

CYRUS - "Now you're sure you've got a good tight shot...gotta put the best beets on TOP...where the hell did that saying even COME from? Seriously though, you can't even these are plugs so when we start to shoot, feel free to zoom-...we're rolling? Are you SERIOUS? You STU-..."

Cyrus almost lays into the poor soul behind the camera but, glancing into its lens thinks better of it, inhales deeply, and abruptly begins the segment.

CYRUS - "Ladies and gentlemen, creeps and lowlifes, it is I..the maestro of the microphone and as everybody knows, the REAL voice of ECW, CCCCCYRUSSS. Now first of all, I KNOW what you all must be thinking given recent events...'Cyrus, you must be quite EMBARRASSED right about now. You HAVE to be disheveled and discouraged after that DISASTER that was ECW Studios.' Hoho..Au contraire, mon frère. You see, I-"

Cyrus is unceremoniously interrupted when the door he is standing to the side of swings open, and out steps ECW original Shane Douglas. With the strap of a small duffel bag over one shoulder and a towel over the other, Douglas seems unaware of Cyrus’ presence as he wraps up a conversation on his cell phone.

SHANE DOUGLAS - "Oh yeah, sure...I just wanted to make sure you understand the POTENTIAL of this thing…I think it would be best incarnation YET!...comPLETELY unSTOPPable...yeah…yeah…well look, take a few days to think about it and get BACK to me.."

Francine appears carrying a towel of her own and closes the room door behind her, prompting Douglas to turn around and finally notice Cyrus standing in the hallway. After a final few words, he hangs up the phone and slips it into an open pouch on his bag.

SHANE DOUGLAS - "Well now what do YOU want?”

CYRUS - "Well I, uh.....incarnation of WHAT? Who was that on the phone?"

SHANE DOUGLAS - "Oh, well that was just NONE OF YOUR DAMN BUSINESS, THAT'S who it was. What do you think, we're friends? We're BUDDIES? You think just because we're both 'heels' that I'm gonna give you some special SCOOP or somethin'? What are you even doing here, just CRAWLING around trying to dig up dirt? Or did they actually give you a ROOM, because if so they REALLY need to improve their vetting process.."

CYRUS - "Woah, WOOAAH, big guy...save all that great PROMO ENERGY. I mean, I know our paths never really CROSSED in the old ECW, but I'm a man of honor..a man of INTEGRITY. I wouldn't STOOP to those kinds of practices. If I have a question, I come to you like a man and I ASK that question. That's...actually what I'm HERE for, but I had kinda just started my opening monologue when you came out of your room, so..what say you two just mosey on back in and give it about..FIVE minutes?"

Cyrus smile and nods, positioning his arms in an attempt to usher the pair back towards their room. Shane and Francine, however, are not so eager to play along.

SHANE DOUGLAS - "AHAHA...mosey on back in for your monologue. You DO have a sense of humor, I'll give you that..but if you think YOU’RE going to be calling any shots, just because you USED to have a modicum of stroke around here, then you obviously don’t know The FRANCHISE. So HOW about…this GORGEOUS creature and I go down for the workout and swim we had planned, and YOU don't show your face again unless you wanna leave HORIZONTAL. If Paulie wants a promo from me, this camera and this camera ALONE comes with us, understand?"

With that Douglas begins making his way down the hall and Francine, her upper lip curling in disgust as she looks Cyrus up and down, follows shortly after.

FRANCINE - "As if…"

CYRUS - "But I ask the hard-hitting QUESTIONS…I spike the RATINGS, DAMN IT! Alright..FINE, but...don't you even want to know about your first MATCH?!"

Without bothering to slowing down, Shane calls back over his shoulder.

SHANE DOUGLAS - "What ABOUT it?"

CYRUS - "You're in the Extreme Classic...and your first round opponent is..Brian Pillman..."

Douglas pauses, still facing away, and a moment passes before that old recognizable laugh comes reverberating back down the hallway. He and Francine turn the corner and disappear from view as the shot blurs, and when it comes back into focus a half-hour or so must have passed because the pair are downstairs exercising in the hotel’s state-of-the-art weight room. Francine can be seen walking one of a row of treadmills in the background while Shane pushes through a set on a butterfly machine, letting out an animated “yyyah” at the apex of every rep. Satisfied for the moment, he lets the weight down and stands to his feet, chuckling as he grabs his water bottle and slowly begins making his way over to address the camera.

SHANE DOUGLAS - "I know ONE thing...if you say The Franchise isn't in the best physical condition of his LIFE...then you're a LYIN' SON OF A bitch, hahaha. I want all those CHUMPS, who are unfortunate enough to be on the same ROSTER as me, to take notes...because you are now looking at THE premiere athlete of Extreme Championship Wrestling. All you guys who were here in the BEGINNING...guys who maybe USED to be able to go in the ring but are now too fat, crippled, or disinterested to get out of BED most mornings...I want you to look at me and I want you to wonder what MIGHT have been, what you COULD have accomplished if you had had the heart, work ethic, and DEDICATION of a Shane Douglas. All you young up-and-COMERS on the roster...guys hungry to build a LEGACY, guys who remind me a lot of MYSELF at that age...I want to instill in you a sense of HOPE...but also realiZATION. I Want you to look at the man standing before you and I want you to see, SIMULTANEOUSLY, everything that you COULD BE, haha...and everything that you could NEVER be."

A smirk appears on Shane's lips as they meet the rim of his water bottle and he quickly empties it of its contents. Tossing the plastic container down beside his bag, he continues.

SHANE DOUGLAS - "Now of course, this is ECW..so there's a THIRD category I need to mention, isn't there? That's right, ya see, there's a certain breed of MORON...not EXCLUSIVE to this organization, but they certainly seem to CONGREGATE here...guys that don't really CARE how tired, or hurt, or out of shape they are because they're not all THERE upSTAIRS. These are guys that will SAY anything and DO anything to push the envelope, because they're ADDICTED to the rush from the fans...EDGElords who will sacrifice themselves and anyone around them, sacrifice the very FABRIC of professional wrestling, for the sake of a little FAME and NOTERIETY. I'm talking about guys like Sabu...guys like New Jack...guys like CACTUS Jack...guys like Brian..####ING..Pillman..."

The cameraman comes in with a vintage tilted close-up, the glare from the lens reflected in Douglas' eyes as the seriousness in his voice intensifies.

SHANE DOUGLAS - "That IS what you fancy yourself, isn't it, Brian? A ticking TIME bomb? A loose CANNON? A SHOOTER? You wanna shoot, Yosemite Sam? Well I stay loaded for BEAR! From the day you first stepped FOOT in the ECW Arena..stepped foot into MY HOUSE..I knew you were nothing but trouble. For those of you who don't know, I actually had to TAG with this NUTcase in his only match in the company, and even I couldn't shine that TERD! Then came the cheap HEEAT, the badmouthing the FAANS, abusing ANNOUNCERRS...typical FRANCHISE fare only with less PANACHE...and when you STILL couldn't get yourself over, you threw a tantrum and started attacking people at RINGside! It wasn’t a cup of coffee later that you were BACK up NORTH, licking McMahon’s boots and Patterson’s…well, that’s BESIDE the point, hahaha. The point IS, you were a SIDEshow flash-in-the-pan, and just like EVERY OTHER flash-in-the-pan in the history of this great sport, you got EXPOSED. Yet you think you have the RIGHT to come out on Anarchy this past Sunday and interRUPT me? You wanna lecture ME about abusing prescriptions?! Heh…I won’t say what I SHOULD say, Mr. PILLman, because everyone already KNOWS it, but you’re the LAST one that should be preaching THAT subject. What I WILL say though, just like I said when you crawled into ECW the FIRST TIME…is that I won’t be satisfied until your ass is OUT THE FRONT ####ING DOOR!"

He leans in, throwing a thumb back over his shoulder. The cameraman pulls back again as the shot goes out of focus, and when we rejoin Douglas he is cooling down from his workout with some cardio of his own in the form of a light jog on the treadmill.

SHANE DOUGLAS - "Four times, Brian...four GLORIOUS times I've had the honor of being called ECW World Heavyweight Champion, and I've held each one more PRECIOUS than the last because you never truly know when it WILL be the last. Now fate has shown her PRETTY little smile once more. The STARS have aligned in the SKY. The path has been laid out for the KING to ascend back to his THRONE, back to his rightful place of DOMINANCE...and the people are supposed to believe a peasant like YOU is gonna stop me? Haha...it's laughable at BEST! See, there are certain things in life that you just simply HAVE TO accept, things you can’t do a DAMN thing about. You can’t change the fact that the Earth orbits the SUN…you can’t change the fact that water is WET…and you can’t change the fact that in a matter of just a few short DAYS, in front of GOD and everybody live on MAX, your ass is gonna get STRETCHED, COURTESY…of The FRANCHISE!!"

The final transition of the segment finds Douglas and Francine, now done with their workout, standing together in the hallway outside of the gym. Shane wraps his arm around Francine’s waist and pulls her a little closer as he looks up into the camera.

SHANE DOUGLAS - "So go ahead and cut that ground-breaking PROMO you’re so famous foor…talk about how you don’t GIVE a fuuck, and #### this guuy, and #### THAT guuy…scream until you’re more even hoarse than USUAL and call everybody in the WORLD a MARK, but just reMEMBER…every time you point the FINGER…you got three MORE pointin’ BACK atchya! As for US? We’ve got more IMPORTANT matters to attend to. We’re gonna go take a SHOWER…we’re gonna go take a SWIM…and then I’m gonna go give the Queen of Extreme..the attention she so RICHLY deserves!”

FRANCINE - "Oh, and THAT reminds me. It seems like there have been a lot of not-so-fresh FACES walking around here lately calling themselves the Queens of Extreme, so I guess the time has come for me to set the record straight yet AGAIN. Um…does a queen have to go out and TELL people, try to CONVINCE people she's a queen? No. People CALL her a queen because they KNOW she is. Does a queen win her wars by going out and fighting and BLEEDING on the battlefield? NO, she doesn’t. A queen doesn't TAKE the shots..she CALLS them. A queen keeps her hands, and the REST of her body, clean and pristine. A queen doesn’t NEED to swing weapons around because she has KNIGHTS, in shining ARMOR, to fight her battles FOR her…"

Francine glances at Shane and smiles, placing a hand on his shoulder as she looks back into the camera.

FRANCINE - "So you little girls go AHEAD, scar each other up and sacrifice what little beauty you had to BEGIN with. Tear each other APART all in name of trying to steal my title, of being called the Queens of Extreme…but all you look like from HERE are the Queens of Extremely STUPID!"

The pair laugh as they begin to leave, but Shane stops short and turns back to share one more thought.

SHANE DOUGLAS - "Oh, and Bri'? One more thing?...Make sure Paulie sends a DRIVER to pick you up and bring you to Anarchy next Sunday...after ALL, we wouldn't want any more innocent TREES getting taken out on your way to the arena, hahahaha!"

Francine closes her eyes and imitates falling asleep at the wheel, and she and Douglas finally start making their way down the hall. Just then, a door at the far end swings open and out walks Cyrus, taking a few steps before looking up and making eye contact with Shane. His eyes widen as he slowly raises his hands, and then he turns on his heels and takes off in the opposite direction as the shot fades.


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☰ A SYMBOL OF EXCELLENCE ☰