On a packet of Sainsbury’s peanuts: Warning, contains nuts.
On a hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping.
On Tesco’s tiramisu desert (printed on the bottom of the box): Do not turn upside down.
On Nytol Sleep Aid: Warning; May cause drowsiness.
On a child’s Superman costume: Wearing this garment does not enable you to fly.
On a Swedish chainsaw: Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.
On a bottle of Palmolive dishwashing liquid: Do not use on food.
A Penguin Mystery....
Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins on the ice in Antarctica? Where do they go? Wonder no more!
It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic bird which lives an extremely ordered and complex life. The penguin is very committed to its family and will mate for life, as well as maintain a form of compassionate contact with its offspring throughout its life. If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other members of the family and social circle have been known to dig holes in the ice, using their vestigial wings and beaks, until the hole is deep enough for the dead bird to be rolled into, and buried. The male penguins then gather in a circle around the fresh grave and sing: “Freeze a jolly good fellow, freeze a jolly good fellow.” Then they kick him into the ice hole.
You really didn’t believe that I know anything about penguins, did you?
Famous Last Words…
The following are the last words spoken by men about to be executed.....
George Appel (1928). As Appel was being strapped into the electric chair, he said to the witnesses, ‘Well, folks, you’ll soon see a baked Appel.’
James French (1966). On his way to the chair he said to a newspaper reporter, ‘I have a terrific headline for you in the morning; “French Fries”.’
Frederick Wood (1963). When Wood was in the electric chair, he said to the assembled company, ‘Gentlemen, you are about to see the effects of electricity on wood.’
Dr William Palmer (1856). The British serial killer stood on the gallows and asked officials, ‘Are you sure this thing is safe?’
Jimmy Glass (1987). He said, ‘I’d rather be fishing.’ Then he was electrocuted.
The Old Blacksmith’s Shop
As soon as you hear the name Gretna Green, you think of runaway marriages. The first rush started in 1753, when a new Law in England passed by Lord Hardwicke made these marriages illegal. It did not take long for the young couples to realise that as soon as they crossed the Scottish border nothing could prevent their marriage. Scottish Law demanded only that the couple proclaimed in front of two witnesses that they wanted to get married and a legal marriage from that moment on was recognised in all countries. Since the beginning of the 18th century it was mostly the Blacksmith who acted as ‘Anvil Priest’ - this is why the anvil is the symbol of Gretna Green. One of the oldest marriage certificates dated 11.8.1772, belongs to Mr Houston, the proprietor of the famous Old Blacksmith’s Shop. One of the last Anvil Priests, Mr Rennison (1920’s-1940) married 5147 couples, over the anvil. These weddings caused a lot of complaints in the Church and this wedding business was considered scandalous and immoral. In 1857 a new law was proclaimed, according to which a couple could only get married if one of them had taken up residence for 21 days prior to the wedding. Later on, the Church again brought pressure on Parliament and since 1940 all Anvil Marriages were made illegal. One hears still of Gretna Green marriages. Many young couples, after their official wedding, go to the Old Blacksmith’s Marriage Room to repeat there the traditional Scottish Oath.