Geordie and Charlie are looking through a catalogue. Geordie Says, "Look at aall these gorgeous women, the prices are reasonable as weel."
Charlie agrees. "A'hm ganna order meself one right noo."
Three weeks later they are having a pint and Geordie asks, "Hez yor woman turned up yet?"
"Naa," says Charlie, "but it shouldn't be long now. Hor clothes came yesterday!"
Geordie went to the doctors with a strawberry stuck in his ear. "Can ye help me, doc?" he asked.
The doctor looked closely and Said, "I think I've got some cream for that."
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