In court, the Eversweet Company's hot-shot solicitor was questioning Paddy.
'Didn't you say to the police at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine?' asked the solicitor?
Paddy responded: 'Well, I'll tell you what happened. I'd just loaded my fav'rit cow, Bessie, into da... '
'I didn't ask for any details', the solicitor interrupted. 'Just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine!'?' Paddy said, 'Well, I'd just got Bessie into da trailer and I was drivin' down da road.... '
The solicitor interrupted again and said, ‘Your Honour, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the police on the scene that he was fine. Now several weeks after the accident, he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question. '
By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Paddy's answer and said to the solicitor: 'I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favourite cow, Bessie'.
Paddy thanked the Judge and proceeded.’ Well as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my fav'rit cow, into de trailer and was drivin' her down de road when this huge Eversweet truck and trailer came tundering tru a stop sign and hit me trailer right in da side. I was trown into one ditch and Bessie was trown into da udder. By Jaysus I was hurt, very bad like, and didn't want to move. However, I could hear old Bessie moanin' and groanin'. I knew she was in terrible pain just by her groans.
Shortly after da accident, a policeman on a motorbike turned up. He could hear Bessie moanin' and groanin' too, so he went over to her. After he looked at her, and saw her condition, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes.
Den da policeman came across de road, gun still in hand, looked at me, and said, 'How are you feelin'?'
'Now wot da hell would you say Judge?'
Mrs. Donovan was walking down O'Connell Street in Dublin when she met up with Father Walsh before he came to Hebburn.
The Priest said, 'Top o' the mornin' To ye! Aren't ye Mrs. Donovan and didn't I marry ye and yer Hoosband two years ago?'
She replied, 'Aye, that ye did, Father.'
The Priest asked, 'And be there any wee little ones yet?'
She replied, 'No, not yet, Father.'
The Priest said, 'Well now, I'm going to Rome next week and I'll light a fertility candle for ye and yer hoosband.'
She replied, 'Oh, thank ye, Father...' They then parted ways.
Some years later they met again. The Priest asked, 'Well now, Mrs. Donovan, how are ye these days?'
She replied, 'Oh, very well, Father!'
The Priest asked, 'And tell me, have ye any wee ones yet?'
She replied, 'Oh yes, Father! Two sets of twins and six singles, Ten in all!'
The Priest said, 'That's wonderful! And how is yer loving hoosband doing?'
She replied, 'E's gone to Rome to blow out that bliddy candle.