Retirement to do list:......Wake up.

People who wonder if the glass is half empty or half full miss the point. The glass is refillable.

Sometimes it takes me all day to get nothing done.

One minute you're young and fun Next, you're turning down the car stereo to see better.

I came. I saw. I forgot what I was doing. Retraced my steps. Got lost on the way back.

If you can't think of a word, say "I forgot the English word for it."
That way people will think you're bilingual instead of an idiot.

I'm at a place in my life where errands are starting to count as going out.

I don't always go the extra mile, but when I do it's because I missed my exit.

I may not be that funny, or athletic, or good looking, or smart, or talented…....
I forgot where I was going with this

Having plans sounds like a good idea until you have to put on clothes and leave the house.

It's weird being the same age as old people.

When I was a kid, I wanted to be older. This is not what I expected!

Life is like a helicopter. Yeah, I don't know how to operate a helicopter either.

It's probably my age that tricks people into thinking I'm an adult.

Never sing in the shower!
Singing leads to dancing, dancing leads to slipping, and slipping leads to paramedics seeing you naked.

I see people my age mountain climbing.
I feel good just getting my leg through my underwear without losing my balance.

We all get heavier as we get older, because there's a lot more information in our heads.