A Load of Rubbish and Other Stuff...
Posted by John K on May 6, 2020, 10:44 am
Isn’t education wonderful... |
The following questions were set in a school exam and the answers are genuine (from 16 year olds)...
Q Name the four seasons.
A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
Q. How is dew formed?
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes
Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist
A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you
are well endowed.
Q. What are steroids?
A. Things for keeping carpets on stairs.
Q. How can you delay milk from turning sour?
A. Keep it in the cow.
Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward
to his adultery.
Points to Ponder…
If you think nobody cares if you are alive, try missing two payments of your hire
Before you criticise someone you should walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you
criticise him, you’re a mile away and you have his shoes.
If you lend someone £20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
Good judgement comes from bad experience and a lot of that comes from bad
A Newspaper Clanger…
We apologise for the error in last week’s paper in which we stated that Mr Arnold Dogbody was a defective in the police force. This was a typographical error. We meant, of course’ that Mr Dogbody is a detective in the police farce and we are sorry for any embarrassment caused.
Interesting Local History
The Marsden Grotto
The history of this unique cave bar, gastro pub and restaurant is steeped in the, bygone days of cruel seas, smugglers, rowdy wenches and cantankerous ghosts. A man who became known to locals as ‘Jack the Blaster’ was the first to live in the caves. Originally an Allendale miner, he moved to Marsden in 1872 to work in the local quarry. Out of a small cave, he blasted his way to a bigger one which he and his wife made into a home. It is thought that he was already eighty years old when he moved into the cave. He and his wife made an unusual pair, known for their choice of habitation, and it didn’t take long for people to start visiting the curious pair in their strange new home. The steep, zig-zagging stairs are thought to be his handiwork and were often referred to as ‘Jack Blaster’s Stairs’. Obviously one to make the most of an occasion, Jack began supplying food and drink to his visitors, for a profit of course. It has been suggested that Jack was embroiled in many nefarious smuggling activities. Not difficult to understand since the coastline’s caves had long been a practical place for smugglers to hide their contraband cargo. Jack’s grotto must have been an ideal place for weary smugglers to shake off the cold, fill their stomachs and sink a tankard or two. While Jack and his wife were certainly the two to found the grotto, it was the second resident, Peter Allen, who had the spirit and foresight to make a far more accessible and developed enterprise of it. He turned Jack’s original cave into an inn. During the excavations, some 18 skeletons were discovered. Their presence was quickly ascribed to the all too common end of those engaged in unlawful dealing. No story of smugglers, skeletons and a character named Jack the Blaster would be complete without a ghost. Indeed, the place has more than one. The most popular local legend is that of a smuggler who betrayed his confederates to HM Customs. Upon being found out, his old friends hung him in a nearby cave called Smuggler’s Hole to taunt him and pelt him with whatever was to hand. It is said that wails can still be heard. The Grotto’s reputation for being haunted aroused the curiosity of Paranormal Investigators who have claimed they found no less than seven separate tortured souls.