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To lighten up your day
Posted by Colin in Oz on 10/12/2024, 9:45 am
Don't be worried about your smartphone or TV spying on you. Your vacuum cleaner has been collecting dirt on you for years. ----------------------------------------------------- If you can't think of a word, just say, “I forgot the English word for it”. That way people will think you're bilingual instead of an idiot. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- I'm at a place in my life where errands are starting to count as going out. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------
I'm getting tired of being part of a major historical event. --------------------------------------------------------------------------
I don't always go the extra mile, but when I do, it's because I missed my exit. --------------------------------------------------------------------
My goal for this year was to lose 10 pounds. Only have 14 to go. -------------------------------------------------------------------
I just did a week's worth of cardio after walking into a spider web. -------------------------------------------------------------------
Senility has been a smooth transition for me. ------------------------------------------------------------------
I may not be that funny, athletic, good-looking, smart, or talented. I forgot where I was going with this. -----------------------------------------------------------------------
I love being old, I learn something new every day and forget 5 other things. ------------------------------------------------------------------
A thief broke into my house last night. He started searching for money, so I got up and searched with him. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------
I think I'll just put an "Out of Order" sticker on my forehead and call it a day. -----------------------------------------------------------------------
Just remember, once you're over the hill, you begin to pick up speed. ----------------------------------------------------------------------
Having plans sounds like a good idea until you have to put on clothes and leave the house. --------------------------------------------------------------
It's weird being the same age as old people. -----------------------------------------------------------------------
When I was a kid, I wanted to be older . . this is not what I expected --------------------------------------------------------------------
Life is like a helicopter. I don't know how to operate a helicopter. ------------------------------------------------------------------
It's probably my age that tricks people into thinking I'm an adult. ----------------------------------------------------------------------
Never sing in the shower! Singing leads to dancing, dancing leads to slipping and slipping leads to paramedics seeing you naked. So remember. . . Don't sing! -------------------------------------------------------------------
I see people about my age mountain climbing; I feel good getting my leg through my underwear without losing my balance. -----------------------------------------------------------------------
So if a cow doesn't produce milk, is it a milk dud or an udder failure? --------------------------------------------------------------------
I'm at that age where my mind still thinks I'm 29, my humor suggests I'm 12, while my body mostly keeps asking if I'm sure I'm not dead yet. -----------------------------------------------------------------------
You don't realize how old you are until you sit on the floor and then try to stand back up. -------------------------------------------------------------------- We all get heavier as we get older because there's a lot more information in our heads. That's my story and I'm sticking to it. -------------------------------------------------------------------------
Rules! No Party Politics,swearing,derogatory remarks or we will delete. Anyone sharing our content on Face Book must credit 'Hebburn and our Neighbours'.