Norman Dunn's 'Hebburn and our Neighbours Forum'

Norman Dunn's 'Hebburn and our Neighbours Forum'
[ Norman Dunn's 'Hebburn and our Neighbours Forum' ]

Rules! No Bad language or derogatory remarks Please or we will delete. Anyone sharing our content on Face Book must credit 'Hebburn and our Neighbours'.

Church bullitins wrongly worded

Posted by Colin in Oz on 13/5/2025, 2:08 pm

Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank Goodness for the church ladies with typewriters. These (alleged) sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced at church services:

Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
--------------------------

Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
--------------------------

For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nurserydownstairs.
--------------------------

Next Thursday there will be try-outs for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
--------------------------

Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
--------------------------

A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
---------------------

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.
--------------------------

Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
--------------------------

Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered..
--------------------------

The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
--------------------------

Pot-luck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to
follow.
--------------------------

The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
--------------------------

This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
--------------------------

The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
--------------------------

Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.

--------------------------

The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
--------------------------

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
The Fasting & Prayer
Conference includes meals.
--------------------------

Scouts are saving aluminium cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
--------------------------

The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.
’The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'
--------------------------

Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.

--------------------------
And this one
just about sums them all up...

The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last
Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours.'

Re: Church bullitins wrongly worded

Posted by Anne on 13/5/2025, 3:44 pm, in reply to "Church bullitins wrongly worded"

Never laughed so hard in a long time, every sentence is hilarious.

Re: Church bullitins wrongly worded

Posted by Joseph on 13/5/2025, 5:13 pm, in reply to "Re: Church bullitins wrongly worded"

Absolutely marvelously brilliant.

Re: Church bullitins wrongly worded

Posted by Liz Dance on 13/5/2025, 6:40 pm, in reply to "Re: Church bullitins wrongly worded"

Wonderful.

Re: Church bullitins wrongly worded

Posted by Malcolm on 13/5/2025, 7:00 pm, in reply to "Re: Church bullitins wrongly worded"

THAT is just what I needed after a tough day at work, a good belly laugh!!

Thank you, Colin......

Re: Church bulletins wrongly worded

Posted by Audrey D. on 13/5/2025, 8:00 pm, in reply to "Re: Church bullitins wrongly worded"

Enjoyed them Colin, so funny, thank you!

Re: Church bulletins wrongly worded

Posted by Stan Wears on 13/5/2025, 8:36 pm, in reply to "Re: Church bulletins wrongly worded"

Great Colin. As I film old historical churches I do come across some things like these and here's one I found on a church door in Yorkshire!....
When you enter this church, it may be possible you hear "the call of God! However it is unlikely, that he will call you on your mobile.
Thank you for turning off your phones. If you wish to talk God, enter, choose a quiet place and talk to him.
If you want to see him, send him a text when driving...
Many years ago, someone in Jarrow had a sense of humour. On a bill board at Christchurch corner, there was a big notice saying " Jesus Saves", and some bright spark added " with the woolwich"!....

Re: Church bulletins wrongly worded

Posted by Sheila on 13/5/2025, 9:18 pm, in reply to "Re: Church bulletins wrongly worded"

Colin, like Anne, I’ve never laughed so much for ages. Just Brillient.

Re: Church bulletins wrongly worded

Posted by Les Gibson on 13/5/2025, 11:23 pm, in reply to "Re: Church bulletins wrongly worded"

Famous one from the 80s seen on a church notice in Liverpool. 'What would you do if Christ came back to earth?;
Someone scrawled underneath 'Move St. John out to the wing'
Maybe only footballers will get this one?.

« Back to index