WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In a blistering comment on Friday, House Speaker Mike Johnson accused participants in Saturday’s No Kings protests of “blatantly exercising their First Amendment rights.”

“When the framers of the Constitution wrote the First Amendment, they did not intend people to take it literally,” Johnson said. “And yet, that is precisely what the far-left lunatics and Antifa members are conspiring to do.”

Johnson said that he and his fellows would push for a repeal of the First Amendment to “prevent it from being exploited by evildoers in the future.”

“We’d be so much better off without the First Amendment,” he said. “The Second Amendment would move up to No. 1, which is where it belongs.”