1.Ninety-nine percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name
2.Borrow money from a pessimist -- they don't expect it back
3.Time is what keeps things from happening all at once
4.Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math
5.I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian
6.Never answer an anonymous letter
7.It's lonely at the top; but you do eat better
8.I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it
9.Always go to other people's funerals, or they won't go to yours
10.Few women admit their age; few men act it
11.If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made with meat?
12.No one is listening until you make a mistake
13.Give me ambiguity or give me something else
14.We have enough youth How about a fountain of "Smart"?
15.He who laughs last thinks slowest
16.Campers: Nature's way of feeding mosquitoes
17.Always remember that you are unique; just like everyone else
18.Consciousness: That annoying time between naps
19.There are three kinds of people: Those who can count and those who can't
20.Why is "abbreviation" such a long word?
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