I would also add Trina's Starlight Lounge to my list, and The Druid isn't so bad for a Cambridge bar.
"I adore the Back Bay Bukowskis, though, because you can't find any other dives in that area aside from gay bars"
It's not that you're wrong, it's just that you should never go to Back Bay.
Delux is cash only, right? I think for Boston that counts as a dive.
"and you're right, Boston does suck, but it's no more than I deserve..."
You aren't racist or filthy rich, so there's no reason for you to be there.