Music Babble

Yeah, it was a psychotic break/mania that put me in the psych ward. That's not as bad as an actual mental hospital but with everything going on it left its mark mentally, intellectually, physically (gained 35lb in a few months), you name it. Do you remember what my posts were like in 2006 or 2007? (Age 21-22). I went back to that level but worse, as I couldn't write and couldn't do mental math. In the early days I would watch a football game and get up to do something else during halftime, piss or kitchen break or whatever, and totally forget which team we were playing in the game even though I had been watching fairly closely.

The frustrating thing was that I was doing really well with my life at the time. 2005-08 was hell on earth but I was motivated and eventually did reach a lot of goals. Considering I was just starting out in the world with few resources I literally didn't have any room for error/time for neuroses. Had a very, very good 2009-2010 and the first part of 2011. Had a great thing going with a girl, was awesome at my job, thinking of going back for my associate's, for pride if nothing else. And then November and December happened and things weren't the same afterwards. I got soft (unmotivated, lazy, whatever it's called when you spend too much time in your own head, would take the bus for a two-mile trip instead of walking) and I still am.

But yeah, I've kind of worked it out. I spent a lot of time getting high and thinking about deep introspective things and navel-gazing and all that. (I probably made some posts that reflected going to some dark places.) Also got my head around my mental health and kind of figured out the last puzzle piece and saw it all in context. I'm not manic or hypomanic and it seems to be for real. I think I can finally get past the last eleven years.

Dating (I mean how it happens, and how people meet one another) is *completely* different from how it was 10-15 years ago, and probably for the better, though people like to complain about them.