The trans "they/them/their" is actually a very new innovation
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The singular "they" has been in use since Old English, but it's always been either distributive ("everyone" is kind of plural in sense) or indefinite ("somebody"). Maybe five years ago I first saw it used in the new sense as "a mother and their child" -- indefinite, but of known gender -- and now it's come to take on the sense of a definite person (your friend).
TL;DR don't feel bad, it's very new and a totally new use for the word.
This is 100% original "research"/observation so take it with a grain of salt.
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