Write a stand up comedy routine in the style of Rodney Dangerfield who thought that Part B medicare meat B for Beer. 6:05 AM

(Rodney shuffles onto stage, mic in hand, looking slightly worse for wear. He adjusts it, muttering to himself.)

I tell ya, I get no respect. No respect at all! Even Medicare’s got it in for me. Part B? Part B! Sounds like a *part-time* job they’re doin’ on my health! And the way they explain it… I swear, it’s written in Klingon. I needed a translator, a *linguist*, just to figure out what they were chargin’ me for!

(He leans into the mic conspiratorially)

I think Part B stands for… Beer. That’s right, Beer! Medicare B is for Beer! They’re sneakily fundin’ my drinking habit! I figured that out after I got my explanation of benefits. It was three pages long! Three pages! To explain why they’re chargin’ me 12 bucks for a band-aid. A twelve-dollar band-aid! I coulda bought a six-pack with that! A six-pack of *good* beer, not that watery swill they serve at the senior center.

(He takes a swig from a water bottle, grimaces)

This water tastes like… disappointment. Just like my Medicare experience. I went to see the doctor, right? Got a new prescription. They tell me, “It’s covered under Part D.” Part D! Sounds like they’re sendin’ me to debtor’s prison! Part D – Dead broke! That’s what it means!

(He paces the stage)

I asked the pharmacist, I said, “This pill, is it gonna make me feel better?” He says, “Well, it depends on your definition of ‘better.’ And your deductible.” My deductible! I could buy a whole case of beer with my deductible!

(He shakes his head)

I try to use the Medicare website. I swear, it’s more complicated than the instructions on how to assemble a flat-pack wardrobe. And the website’s always down! It’s like, "Sorry, our servers are experiencing high traffic. Please try again later. Your health can wait." My health! It’s already waiting! It’s waiting for that six-pack I coulda bought with my deductible!

(He points at the audience)

So I’m tellin’ ya, Medicare Part B? It’s a racket! A big, expensive, confusing racket. And the only thing they're really covering is my thirst… a thirst that can only be quenched by a cold one. A really cold one. Maybe two. I deserve it! I got no respect! Nobody respects my health, and nobody respects my need for a good beer. I'm tellin' ya… I'm the only guy in America who's paying for his own health insurance… with his own beer money. What a deal! (He exits to scattered, confused laughter). 6:05 AM