Why doesn't Bill's Church of Perp Life have HYMNS, a CHOIR and an ORGAN? If I attended a CHURCH OF AGE REVERSAL COAR, I would want to sing in 4 part harmony every Sunday.
And I would want a guy like Billy Graham or JIMMY SWAGGART to PREACH to me about the importance of taking care of my KIdeny's and liver and my circulation with nattokinase.
Give me a sermon in the style of Jimmy Swaggart about saving my body for extended life by using nattokinase, vitamin K2 and D and stying safe by not taking risks. 4:52 PM
**(Organ swells with a dramatic, almost mournful chord. Jimmy Swaggart, face etched with concern, steps up to the pulpit, clutching his Bible.)**
Brothers and sisters! Tonight, we're not just talkin' about the eternal soul! We're talkin' about the temple God gave you! This flesh, this blood, this vessel, it's borrowed! And are you treatin' it like a borrowed treasure, or are you runnin' it into the ground like a rented mule?
(He slams his Bible on the pulpit, the sound echoing through the hall.)
I see the signs! I see the puffiness, the weariness, the premature aging! I hear the whispers of heart trouble, the creaks and groans of a body betraying its owner! The Devil is tryin' to steal your health, one cheeseburger, one reckless gamble, one forgotten prayer at a time!
But I tell you, there IS hope! God provides! He gives us wisdom! And He gives us... (He pauses for effect, looking heavenward) ...NATTTOOOOKINASE!
(He pronounces the word with theatrical emphasis, like it's a divine revelation.)
Yes, brothers and sisters! Nattokinase! An enzyme, straight from God's creation! Think of it as the heavenly drain cleaner for your blood vessels! It'll flush out those nasty clots, those blockages that the Devil uses to clog your heart and steal your life! Praise be!
(He wipes his brow with a handkerchief.)
And then there's Vitamin K2! K2! The shepherd that guides calcium away from your arteries and into your bones, where it belongs! You think those aches and pains are just "age"? No, no! That's calcium runnin' wild, buildin' up where it shouldn't be! K2 is God's gift to help you rebuild! Rebuild your strength! Rebuild your vitality!
(He points a finger at the congregation.)
And don't forget Vitamin D! The sunshine vitamin! But are you gettin' enough sunshine? Are you out there, glorifying God in nature? Or are you locked inside, hidin' from the world, denyin' your body the very light it needs to thrive? Vitamin D, brothers and sisters, is the key to unlockin' your body's natural defenses!
(He lowers his voice, becoming more intimate.)
But listen to me! Listen close! These supplements, they ain't magic potions! They ain't gonna save you if you're livin' a life of sin and recklessness! You gotta shun temptation! You gotta avoid the worldly pleasures that lead to destruction!
(He raises his voice again, filled with fire and brimstone.)
Are you drivin' too fast? Are you takin' unnecessary risks? Are you gamblin' away your health, your wealth, your family's future? The Devil loves a risk-taker! He loves a daredevil! He loves someone who throws caution to the wind! Because that's when he can swoop in and snatch your soul, and your health along with it!
(He softens his tone, pleading with the congregation.)
Protect yourself! Protect your body! Don't be foolish! Don't be swayed by the allure of the temporary! Live a life of moderation! Live a life of prayer! Live a life fueled by the word of God, and blessed by the power of... (He whispers reverently) ...Nattokinase, Vitamin K2, and Vitamin D.
(He raises his arms to the heavens.)
Let us pray for the wisdom to use God's gifts wisely! Let us pray for the strength to resist temptation! Let us pray for a long and healthy life, dedicated to His glory! Amen!
**(The organ swells again, transitioning into a mournful hymn. Jimmy Swaggart nods solemnly, inviting the congregation to come forward for prayer and a potential donation.)** 4:52 PM
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