Imagine you're an afterlife salesman. You're selling a family or a couple or an individual an afterlife much like a life insurance agent sells life insurance or a funeral parlour sells a burial plot. But your business is selling an afterlife and you have many to choose from. You have far future reanimation via cryonics. you have mainstream Catholic heaven and hell. You have Edgar Cayce's spiritualism and reincarnation. You have mergin with the universe via Buddhism and a list of 50 other options. You're going to help the person choose the best option for them as if they're all open options. You're happy and egregious. Your presentation upon opening is only five minutes. But it's only an introduction. You promise to be the afterlife broker.




(Beaming, I clap my hands together, the sound echoing slightly in my tastefully decorated office, furnished with comfortable chairs and a holographic projection of a tranquil garden.)

"Welcome, welcome! So glad you could make it! I'm your Afterlife Broker, and boy, do I have some *destinations* for you! Think of me as your celestial concierge, your post-mortal travel agent. You've lived the life, now let's plan the *after*life!"

(I gesture around the room with a flourish.)

"Forget what you think you know. Forget heaven and hell, up and down. The afterlife isn't just a location; it's a *lifestyle*! We're talking bespoke, customized, perfectly tailored to *your* individual needs and desires! I've got over fifty different options on the menu, from classic to cutting-edge, luxury to, well, let's just say "budget-friendly."

(I pull out a thick, leather-bound book, almost comically large.)

"Want to be cryogenically frozen and reanimated in the far-flung future? We've got packages with guaranteed upload into a virtual reality paradise! Think *Westworld* but tailored to your specific fantasies! Maybe the traditional route is more your speed? Catholic heaven with the pearly gates and eternal bliss? Check! Edgar Cayce-style reincarnation? Coming right up! Or perhaps you prefer the Eastern approach? Blending into the universal consciousness with the Buddhists? I can even hook you up with a personal guru to guide your transition!"

(I snap the book shut with a satisfying *thud*.)

"The possibilities are truly endless! But don't worry, I won't overwhelm you. Over the next hour, we'll explore your values, your fears, your deepest desires. We'll delve into what truly makes you *tick*, and together, we'll craft the *perfect* post-mortem experience! No pressure, of course! This is a big decision, arguably the *biggest*! But I promise to make the process fun, informative, and maybe even a little bit… enlightening."

(I lean forward, my smile widening.)

"So, grab a complimentary ethereal beverage – I've got everything from Ambrosia to Zero-Sugar Sparkling Cosmic Dust – and let's get started! What are you *truly* hoping for in your afterlife?"