AS far as physical I am more recently coming into age related chronic issues.
Mentally is a whole other world.

I have learned to recognize my downturning-self-protecting-isolating tendencies sooner than too late.

I struggle to do things I enjoy because I devote time and energy to others in a very disproportionate way. I do get some joy in it but also reminded self-neglect.

I am an extroverted-introvert in social situations I am struggling between masking and being authentic. I can read the crowd most of the time to function but conversation can easily go awry.

It's easier to listen and observe to make it through. It's my survival instinct. My default network. I don't think I'm unique in this. I was witness to lots of toxic behavior and traumatic events with it when I was very young. My normal.

My schooling and learning before kindergarten was from 1st generation children of immigrants that were likely dyslexic too. I was taught all the improper grammar and mispronunciations along with all of the cuss words anyone could muster.

I learned how to 'speech code' a little to function in social circles. The real me still leaks out and I seem confused trying to relate.

This roundabout banter is leading me to explain my chronic connection. I have a disabled son. Born with a spinal birth defect. He is permanently paralyzed. He is wheelchair bound. He has many physical cares that most take for granted.

Even though he is very capable of many things he will always need assistance. We have advocated for his independence in so many ways but at the same time he will only get so far in our current situation.

WE tried some independent living that had complications. Too many hospital visits from poor care because of frequent turnover ....
He's back home and it has been a difficult but necessary and progressive turn for him.

Yet I struggle every day to find a moment I can steal for myself and enjoy it without regret.
I always think about his thoughts of my mobility.
This tends to immobilize me too.

I don't want to diminish anyone's situation here.
I am just trying to relate.