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Dealing with Chronic Issues Posted by Trish on June 18, 2025, 1:44 pm Admin I know several people here have chronic issues that effect their lives. Do you have coping mechanisms you use to overcome the blah feeling, where you don't want to talk or go out and well, just about anything. What do you think is hardest about your situation (if it's not too personal)

Re: Dealing with Chronic Issues Posted by jacque on June 19, 2025, 12:59 am, in reply to "Dealing with Chronic Issues" AS far as physical I am more recently coming into age related chronic issues. Mentally is a whole other world. I have learned to recognize my downturning-self-protecting-isolating tendencies sooner than too late. I struggle to do things I enjoy because I devote time and energy to others in a very disproportionate way. I do get some joy in it but also reminded self-neglect. I am an extroverted-introvert in social situations I am struggling between masking and being authentic. I can read the crowd most of the time to function but conversation can easily go awry. It's easier to listen and observe to make it through. It's my survival instinct. My default network. I don't think I'm unique in this. I was witness to lots of toxic behavior and traumatic events with it when I was very young. My normal. My schooling and learning before kindergarten was from 1st generation children of immigrants that were likely dyslexic too. I was taught all the improper grammar and mispronunciations along with all of the cuss words anyone could muster. I learned how to 'speech code' a little to function in social circles. The real me still leaks out and I seem confused trying to relate. This roundabout banter is leading me to explain my chronic connection. I have a disabled son. Born with a spinal birth defect. He is permanently paralyzed. He is wheelchair bound. He has many physical cares that most take for granted. Even though he is very capable of many things he will always need assistance. We have advocated for his independence in so many ways but at the same time he will only get so far in our current situation. WE tried some independent living that had complications. Too many hospital visits from poor care because of frequent turnover .... He's back home and it has been a difficult but necessary and progressive turn for him. Yet I struggle every day to find a moment I can steal for myself and enjoy it without regret. I always think about his thoughts of my mobility. This tends to immobilize me too. I don't want to diminish anyone's situation here. I am just trying to relate. live long and prosper as best you can Jacque

You are bearing up bravely Posted by greenman on June 21, 2025, 11:51 am, in reply to "Re: Dealing with Chronic Issues" Valued Poster ..under one of life's most difficult situations. My sympathies and encouragement to you both. -greenman

You are a good parent Posted by Trish on June 21, 2025, 10:45 am, in reply to "Re: Dealing with Chronic Issues" Admin some would give up, but you haven't. That's not only strength but tremendous love

Life can be so hard. Sharing your hardship does not diminish anyone else's. So no worries! Posted by Sia on June 20, 2025, 1:11 pm, in reply to "Re: Dealing with Chronic Issues" ADMIN Sharing troubles can be quite beneficial, especially if they are acknowledged and sympathized with. That can help each of us refocus on our blessings once our "overwhelming" difficulties are voiced, recognized, and accepted as legitimate concerns. So share whatever you are comfortable with. The most important qualities that we/I value here are kindness, respect for one another's humanity, and empathy for one another. Without those things,, civility is often elusive.It is important to see one another as more than blips of light on a screen because we are all real people with real emotions behind our screens. What we don't want here are cruelty, pig-piling, and personal attacks on anyone. Disagreement need not be disagreeable. Instead, we seek to be like "Cheers" and "Friends" TV shows where "everyone knows your name" (and all that signifies) and there is a general sense of belonging to the same group of people rather than having opposing teams with zero common ground even if we part ways on various topics. Most of us here have posted together for several years and know one another to varying degrees we've individually felt comfortable with. So it is natural for someone new, like you are, to feel somewhat out of step and as if you need to explain or justify yourself when joining in on a personal thread, but you'll get to a feeling of belonging in time. Camaraderie that can share joy, sorrow, and routine happenings is a blessing that humans should seek out and cultivate. Humans are social creatures who need others to feel whole, safe, valued, and cared about. Those who don't are the exception. It is good to realize that our own problems could be worse or that others may have "more difficult" situations because then we can put our own into perspective and we may also feel less "alone" while sharing and sympathizing with each other However, the knowledge that things could be worse does nothing tangible to lessen our own issues other than providing perspective. It is not helpful for others (or even ourselves) to pound or judge us for feeling bad about our own troubles just because others may have it worse than we do. In fact, it may produce negative emotions like guilt or shame that we still feel badly or angry about our own troubles when others are suffering too, maybe even far worse than we are. It is that much worse if we then feel guilty or shamed about being upset about our troubles. It actually helps no one to turn sharing into a contest over what is worse! To us, our own problems are front and center. Aside of the social value of sharing problems and seeking solace amongst others, the only value in knowing that things could be worse and sometimes are for others is to keep things in perspective so we dont lose sight of the overall picture. Losing sight and hyperfocusing on our troubles causes us to forget our blessings and potentially become lost in depression or worse. We each have our joys and personal hell. That is a given. Regardless of someone's carefully constructed images of their "perfect life", such as what is often found on Facebook, EVERYONE has problems, regrets, and/or negative aspects in their lives and relationships, at least to some degree. We may see their problems as minor, but to whomever is suffering, they matter! I feel sad for those who can't acknowledge that and feel obliged to construct a perfect image. They truly ARE alone and diminish their OWN suffering in the process.

Re: Life can be so hard. Sharing your hardship does not diminish anyone else's. So no worries! Posted by jacque on June 21, 2025, 1:44 am, in reply to "Life can be so hard. Sharing your hardship does not diminish anyone else's. So no worries! " Thank you for your acknowledgement and insight. You mentioned music in your post and We all love music and have some members who are more musically inclined than most. Music is definitely an outlet for me in many ways. It has always been a way for me to emote authentically. The words and sounds in a song can allow me to transcend into worlds that are mine and real. My music interests are extremely diverse. Music can be a way to communicate and connect. So if y'all got some time to kill and an ear to listen here's something completely different than what you All might think. Some piano music to express some ways I've been feeling recently. Here's something more contemporary that Fathoms the depths. Call it like I see it southern blues? (I won't shock you all with some very heavy metal at this point but I will shift it in a different musical direction) Last week I heard it at a community event. I was transported back to a memory with my dad. I could barely talk but I knew the words to this song. I sang it in a bar talent show. I(?) won. He's been gone a few years. I hope you all get the gist at least. Sharing songs was a way to communicate within my my family. Can anyone else relate? live long and prosper as best you can Jacque

When I was a child I sang to the trees Posted by Trish on June 21, 2025, 10:50 am, in reply to "Re: Life can be so hard. Sharing your hardship does not diminish anyone else's. So no worries! " Admin they never minded if I was out of tune. For a while I tried flute and viola, but decided that the one thing I could carry with me was my voice. I ended up taking 4 years of corale at college (you had to audition) and even got to sing back up with the choir for Barry Manilo (yeah, I know ..) I used to sing to my children. Sadly my desire to sing has waned with chronic depression. Thankfully medication keeps me even mostly. And when I am home alone music is my company. A quiet house is good sometimes but not every day It's funny my children still like old rock. One day we had music going and I was humming to it. My son said, "hey you're not allowed to like the same music as me... it's weird" snork. but yes, music has a way of healing

So wonderful Posted by greenman on June 22, 2025, 2:03 pm, in reply to "When I was a child I sang to the trees" Valued Poster When my daughter expressed enjoyment over recordings of the Yardbirds and Steppenwolf, I was ecstatic... -greenman

I play "story games" with my 2 granddaughters where we toss out Posted by Sia on June 18, 2025, 8:00 pm, in reply to "Dealing with Chronic Issues" ADMIN silly story ideas and then end with a question that we ask of whomever's turn it is next for them to build on the story in any direction they want to go in. We have a lot of laughs and fun. They are so imaginative. Sometimes I binge watch "Friends" or other comedy/dramas. I sit in the middle of my gardens. I play music that I love. Naps. Naps are great when feeling crappy. Sometimes I paint or draw. Whenever I'm seriously down, I look at photographs of loved ones, especially loved ones lost and dream about talking to them and cry if I want to. Sometimes I think about really sad things that have happened to make myself cry to let the pain out. It helps. Screaming, whining, and cursing can be helpful too. Preferably when no one else is around to witness it. Indulging any strong emotion can be a great relief afterwards. I remind myself that things could be soooooo much worse. I've made long lists of my blessings that dwarf my complaints. I eat yummy fruit. I love fresh fruit. Relentless, chronic, and endless pain along with an inability to do so many things that I want to do are what's hardest about my situation. Luckily, I'm the "ultimate optimist" and I always think that "soon, it will be lessened and not SO bad." Also, my family are all very helpful and do so many things for me, without me even having to ask. That makes me feel very grateful. I hope that something I've shared helps you a bit. If I think of anything else, I'll letcha know.

Those sound wonderful! Posted by greenman on June 21, 2025, 1:49 pm, in reply to "I play "story games" with my 2 granddaughters where we toss out " Valued Poster Kids ARE imaginative, and creative. Teaching them to read is also rewarding. I learned to read from my Mom, who started by reading, then realized I could recognize letters, then taught me to SAY the letters, then to piece words together. Partly alphabetic, partly phonetic, I guess. We didn't read 'Dick n' Jane' in school until first grade, by which time I was way beyond that level. They were so boring.. -greenman

Exactly. We taught Evelyn and are teaching Alana to read very early Posted by Sia on June 22, 2025, 1:01 pm, in reply to "Those sound wonderful!" ADMIN Evelyn just finished 1st grade and tested competency at the 5/6th grade reading/comprehension level. Her teacher acknowledged that her early reading experience well ahead of kindergarten was critical to her being so far ahead of her peers, who obviously knew their letters and a few words, but not yet how to read before entering school. They have always enjoyed being read to and now love to read more advanced books on their own. For me, teaching them to read, now listening to them read so well, and enjoying imaginative story telling has been a great lift to my own mental health in spite of so many reasons to feel overwhelmed. It's a positive all around that benefits us all. Your Mom certainly helped your future success by giving you her time and attention in learning to read earlier than most kids. Like her, I also did the same thing with my children and now grandchildren.

As Grandparents Posted by jacque on June 24, 2025, 1:43 am, in reply to "Exactly. We taught Evelyn and are teaching Alana to read very early" Valued Poster in general we have an opportunity to instill things better than we could as parents with grandchildren. Every child learns differently and definitely influenced in birth order. As a grandparent we can help guide it. I have always encouraged them to explore and support it when I can. But most life requires us to experience it ourselves and often alone and the hard way. Even in very affluent families.. I definitely see you invested in your family as well as managing your own not so ordinary difficulties in effort to make life happen for the better. live long and prosper as best you can Jacque

Always somebody else worse off than me Posted by Pikes Peak 14115 on June 18, 2025, 6:17 pm, in reply to "Dealing with Chronic Issues" ADMIN So I have little about which to complain. Anything can be a distraction. A hike, a climb, bowling, complaining about politics, music. You can look away from a painting, but you can't listen away from a symphony

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