I am not naturally this fragile emotionally or physically but am now on 4 immunosuppressants and vulnerable to even the weakest germs that could result in life threatening infections.

So I have to be ridiculously careful in everything I do and those I engage with. It limits my social life as a result. I am naturally very engaged socially with lots of friends, family, and acquaintances. I love people and being around them.

Now I am limited in what I can do and who I can see. Parties are basically out as are public excursions with big crowds. I miss that. I keep. In touch with them via the internet.

So maybe that's part of why I think of the people here as actual friends, even as limited as our interactions are. You all matter to me and I care a lot about you guys. So, when I am at odds with any of you, it is almost as upsetting as having a quarrel with a real life friend. I want to heal rifts and be understood. As difficult as that can be online.

I often mess up my words when trying to offer opinions. The lack of visual cues on the receiver's side causes a LOT of problems. I never realized that until having to communicate with my friends online instead of in person.

I am looking forward to stopping at least one of the immunosuppressants in the future so I can get back to a more normal social life. That would really help me a lot! So would ending my endless water-based PT trying to rebuild the strength I've lost since the first two multiple level fusions.

It's been pushing 3 years since my 5-level cervical fusion and I still don't have enough strength in my neck to hold my head up for an entire day without having to lie down to rest it a few times.

Anyway, that's some of the stress I've been dealing with and why it can be so hard for me to deal with stuff that shouldn't bother me as much as it does.