That has to be so difficult… impossible for someone like me to fully understand or relate to. While we all have our own battles and experiences, most of us cling to hope and cherish the good where we can find it. We have to take the good with the not so good… that is life. I can only partially relate in that I went through a long spell of pain when I fell on a boulder on a ski hill (long time ago) and injured my shoulder. They called it a frozen shoulder. I went through a lot of therapy and had the shooting pain traveling down my arm at night if I moved even a little. It took a long recovery time, but couldn’t even compare to what you are going through. You have my sympathies.