HOUSTON (The Borowitz Report)—The US Senate race in Texas got uglier on Thursday as Republican Ken Paxton accused Democrat James Talarico of lacking the requisite criminal record to represent the Lone Star State in Washington.
“With all due respect, my opponent doesn’t have the cojones to go on a crime spree,” he told a crowd of supporters in Houston. “James Talarico never saw a law he didn’t abide.”
Drawing a stark contrast between himself and Talarico, Paxton said, “My criminal record is as big as Texas itself.”
Paxton warned that, given the lawless environment that currently prevails in Washington DC, a non-crook like Talarico would be a “dangerous choice,” adding, “Texas deserves a criminal who doesn’t need on-the-job training.”
Sometimes the look of the face indicates something inside is wrong. Amiss.
Paxton has "Picasso eyes." One is slightly higher than the other. Like his boss "Wheels" and the felon, he lacks a moral compass.
Dottir and bf are en route to their rock metal festival gig in Madison Wis. They punched through a dryline in central Nebraska yesterday and then was chased by it for hours. This morning she posted the photo. I said she can come home now. Nothing in the next week can top that.
Reminds me of when the Dutch immigrant Penis van Lesbian immigrated to America. He studied drama in Switzerland and France before coming here. His naturalization officer double took his name until Penis explained the "i" is silent, so the name sounds like Pens van Lesban.
He wanted to try acting in motion picture, and was urged to move to Los Angeles, and get an agent, which he did. You must have an agent and be a member of the screen actors guild to work.
His agent told him if he wanted work in LA, he needed to change his name.
Many years later after a long and distinguished acting career, Penis wrote a note to his agent and thanked him profusely for the suggestion to change his name. He wrote,
"That was the best advice given me, and no doubt had a profound infuence on my success. Thank you ever so much!" Signed Dick van Dyke,
You can look away from a painting, but you can't listen away from a symphony
on June 4, 2026, 10:51 am
