You can't imagine how wrong you are. If anything, I can be a bit stubborn and even arrogant about my intellectual self-sufficiency. Your off-target assessment of others' ability to influence me aside, let's address your suggestion:

Is it possible to volitionally reverse a matter of existential belief and have it be anything other than a superficial reversal? I assert that it is not. Unless that core belief itself changes (and that's almost entirely a non-volitional matter), any outward claim of action to the contrary will be false at its core. If God did actually exist, that wouldn't work: you'd be exposed via omniscience.