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My mom was recently diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. What do I do?

Posted by Carl Spackler <iframe src='https://mb.boardhost.com/TheDeuce/info/user=Carl+Spackler' width='330' height='300' border=0 style='border:none;'> on April 6, 2026, 11:45:21

She is mid-70s and not in great health to begin with.

My dad is also not in great shape, but can help with the non-Alzheimer’s needs for now. He won’t be able to in 5 years.

My brother and I both live in Chicagoland.

Should we go to her doctor’s appointments?
Slam as much family stuff in the next couple years as possible, right?
Someone advised an elder care lawyer, is that a good call?
How do I make sure my dad isn’t broke coming out of this?

It is weird that you have to think about the emotional (spend time with her) stuff and also think coldly about the practical (how she gets care, how to make sure it doesn’t bankrupt dad, etc.)

Thanks for any help anyone can provide.

Sorry to hear, Carl. My aunt was just put into a care home due to dementia.

Posted by illini <iframe src='https://mb.boardhost.com/TheDeuce/info/user=illini' width='330' height='300' border=0 style='border:none;'> on April 7, 2026, 6:44:48, in reply to "My mom was recently diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. What do I do?"

My uncle and cousins managed as long as they could but eventually it overwhelmed them. They also got an elder care lawyer over the last year.

Really sorry to hear that, it’s rough. Best of luck.

Posted by Tortillini <iframe src='https://mb.boardhost.com/TheDeuce/info/user=Tortillini' width='330' height='300' border=0 style='border:none;'> on April 7, 2026, 6:41:27, in reply to "My mom was recently diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. What do I do?"

I found this book helpful:

https://a.co/d/0cwC5scF

Thank you all for the kind words and tips.*

Posted by Carl Spackler <iframe src='https://mb.boardhost.com/TheDeuce/info/user=Carl+Spackler' width='330' height='300' border=0 style='border:none;'> on April 6, 2026, 22:11:44, in reply to "My mom was recently diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. What do I do?"

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My dad just passed from Alzheimer’s last month. Pretty much everything except

Posted by GhostofPokeyStixPast <iframe src='https://mb.boardhost.com/TheDeuce/info/user=GhostofPokeyStixPast' width='330' height='300' border=0 style='border:none;'> on April 6, 2026, 22:10:11, in reply to "My mom was recently diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. What do I do?"

I’d make sure her will/trusts/poas are in order. Eventually you will probably need memory care or a nursing home unless you have a family member (not your dad) who can be a full time caretaker. But this can probably wait a bit. It cost my parents something like $9000-12,000/month in Peoria for the assisted living/memory care. If you’re relying on Medicare only, probably talk to a lawyer about that.

Spend time with her, record her telling stories, help her find stuff at her house you have interest in. My dad lost the ability to communicate and could only say yes or no (and often neither) for the final 1.5 years of his life. My dad also had some arrow heads he collected as a kid and we could not find them and didn’t think to ask him where they were until after he couldn’t tell us.

Lastly, it really sucks and I’m sorry. It’s really awful to watch a parent go through it.

I'm going to add a ray of sunshine and hopefulness to these thoughts.

Posted by complainant <iframe src='https://mb.boardhost.com/TheDeuce/info/user=complainant' width='330' height='300' border=0 style='border:none;'> on April 6, 2026, 22:44:18, in reply to "My dad just passed from Alzheimer’s last month. Pretty much everything except"

In general, I agree with all of that.

But while nobody really *enjoyed* having dementia, there's a pretty broad spectrum of moods among its victims. Some people with dementia are miserable, and no fun to be around. But that's not necessarily going to happen to Spackler's mother.

It's also important to know that the depression that sometimes engulfs a dementia patient will often lift as their cognitive function deteriorates.

Very sorry to hear this*

Posted by OB25 <iframe src='https://mb.boardhost.com/TheDeuce/info/user=OB25' width='330' height='300' border=0 style='border:none;'> on April 6, 2026, 21:59:51, in reply to "My mom was recently diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. What do I do?"

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When something is happening, young people like to say it’s “lit.”

You and your brother need to be the decision makers (not your dad)

Posted by Taz <iframe src='https://mb.boardhost.com/TheDeuce/info/user=Taz' width='330' height='300' border=0 style='border:none;'> on April 6, 2026, 21:34:59, in reply to "My mom was recently diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. What do I do?"

Make sure you can do this without emotion, though. Find out their wishes for care, DNR, etc.
Follow that to the best of your ability.

Find a support group or therapeutic resource for your various family members.

Remember to take care of yourself.

Sending y'all love.

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Sometimes you just need to yeet a bobcat *

Being an Illini fan is a goddamn curse.*

Oh man that’s tough. I’m sorry to hear that. *

Posted by biclops <iframe src='https://mb.boardhost.com/TheDeuce/info/user=biclops' width='330' height='300' border=0 style='border:none;'> on April 6, 2026, 16:04:56, in reply to "My mom was recently diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. What do I do?"

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I'm so ashamed of the lie I'm living
Right on the wrong side of it all

Make sure her current health care is maximized (diabetes, BP, cholesterol controlled)

Posted by ibdoc <iframe src='https://mb.boardhost.com/TheDeuce/info/user=ibdoc' width='330' height='300' border=0 style='border:none;'> on April 6, 2026, 15:43:04, in reply to "My mom was recently diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. What do I do?"

Make routine a standard and start those now. Same time for meals, times for pills, bath time, etc.
See a neurologist and their support staff that specializes in Alzheimer's and dementia.
Have the social worker at her current primary doctor's office look into home evaluation (safety at home) and possible in-home care or assisted living options
It seems like a lot, but can be manageable if looked into early.

Good luck and let me know if you have questions

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No advice, but sorry to hear about this. *

Posted by harb <iframe src='https://mb.boardhost.com/TheDeuce/info/user=harb' width='330' height='300' border=0 style='border:none;'> on April 6, 2026, 13:55:39, in reply to "My mom was recently diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. What do I do?"

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[Assassin] Harb is the epitome of a Goldfish Troll.
[Opey] Assholes gonna asshole
[tiki] #### all the way off with that, you bloodthirsty hilljack.

If they have the financial means, I’d see if there are assisted living places with a ladder of care

Posted by DT <iframe src='https://mb.boardhost.com/TheDeuce/info/user=DT' width='330' height='300' border=0 style='border:none;'> on April 6, 2026, 12:56:18, in reply to "My mom was recently diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. What do I do?"

Meaning they have a range of care levels from just general older living community up through nursing home and memory care units. It’s expensive but getting into a place like that (they might have a waiting list) is a huge burden off the family and might save a lot of worry and difficulties later.

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I couldn't agree less.

Posted by complainant <iframe src='https://mb.boardhost.com/TheDeuce/info/user=complainant' width='330' height='300' border=0 style='border:none;'> on April 6, 2026, 22:33:55, in reply to "If they have the financial means, I’d see if there are assisted living places with a ladder of care"

If a dementia patient can live at home, the best option for them is to live at home. For all kinds of reasons. It's cruel to put a dementia patient in an unfamiliar surroundings, so you do it only if it's absolutely necessary.

If having her live at home is more than he can handle (with or without help from others, including professional caretakers), then you seek options outside the home.

You'll need special door knob covers to prevent her from wandering away. Baby monitor cameras in every room. Airtags or Tiles (Bluetooth tracking devices) for her purse (which has no checkbook, and no working credit cards in it). There's a lot more tech available for you than I had when I first confronted this issue (over 40 years ago).

Great advice. Have had two grandparents with AD who started out with in home care, but eventually

Posted by DocWalk20 <iframe src='https://mb.boardhost.com/TheDeuce/info/user=DocWalk20' width='330' height='300' border=0 style='border:none;'> on April 6, 2026, 14:12:03, in reply to "If they have the financial means, I’d see if there are assisted living places with a ladder of care"

transitioned to residential assisted living apartments that also had memory care units as well. When their dementia got worse, the transition to the memory care was handled gradually and very well by the staff / facility.

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For the place my inlaws went, you had to be a certain level of goodness to be admitted

Posted by Potomac <iframe src='https://mb.boardhost.com/TheDeuce/info/user=Potomac' width='330' height='300' border=0 style='border:none;'> on April 6, 2026, 16:03:46, in reply to "Great advice. Have had two grandparents with AD who started out with in home care, but eventually"

That is, they required a decent level of competence before allowing you on the path to serious care.

Get all the paperwork in place while she can (power of attorney, health directives, etc)

Posted by Potomac <iframe src='https://mb.boardhost.com/TheDeuce/info/user=Potomac' width='330' height='300' border=0 style='border:none;'> on April 6, 2026, 12:41:48, in reply to "My mom was recently diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. What do I do?"

Maybe they had all that stuff already. Anything that requires Mom's signature for end of life, or near end of life. While she is medically able to do so without controversy.

Something positive if she's able: video her talking about her life

Posted by Potomac <iframe src='https://mb.boardhost.com/TheDeuce/info/user=Potomac' width='330' height='300' border=0 style='border:none;'> on April 6, 2026, 12:33:22, in reply to "My mom was recently diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. What do I do?"

Two of my most treasured home movies are my late mother talking at length about her younger days, and the other where her sister and husband (my aunt and uncle) also talked at length about their childhoods, life during the Depression, parents, etc.

Geez, very sorry to hear that

Posted by Jackie <iframe src='https://mb.boardhost.com/TheDeuce/info/user=Jackie' width='330' height='300' border=0 style='border:none;'> on April 6, 2026, 12:32:41, in reply to "My mom was recently diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. What do I do?"

If your folks are veterans, the VA can assist with “visiting angels” as chilango mentioned below. As the need for care becomes more demanding, it becomes all the more important to get some relief for the primary caregiver (usually the spouse). That’s probably more a footnote for the future.

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Make sure it's Alzheimer's and not another form of dementia

Posted by Potomac <iframe src='https://mb.boardhost.com/TheDeuce/info/user=Potomac' width='330' height='300' border=0 style='border:none;'> on April 6, 2026, 12:30:24, in reply to "My mom was recently diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. What do I do?"

That can affect what happens, and sometimes people talk of Alzheimer's as a catch-all for similar ailments.

Can't help with any advice but i'm really sorry you and the family have to go through this*

Posted by illini21 <iframe src='https://mb.boardhost.com/TheDeuce/info/user=illini21' width='330' height='300' border=0 style='border:none;'> on April 6, 2026, 12:29:52, in reply to "My mom was recently diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. What do I do?"

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My mom has FTD, my dad barely mobile.

Posted by Chilango <iframe src='https://mb.boardhost.com/TheDeuce/info/user=Chilango' width='330' height='300' border=0 style='border:none;'> on April 6, 2026, 12:13:16, in reply to "My mom was recently diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. What do I do?"

Find caregiver, even if just "visiting angel" to give your dad a break. Elder care, healthcare directives/POAs. Elder care lawyer can be really helpful.

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Sorry man. My dad recently died of Lewy body dementia. PM me if you have any specific questions*

Posted by CoronaTheirAss <iframe src='https://mb.boardhost.com/TheDeuce/info/user=CoronaTheirAss' width='330' height='300' border=0 style='border:none;'> on April 6, 2026, 12:09:01, in reply to "My mom was recently diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. What do I do?"

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Sorry buddy, good luck to you as much as possible

Posted by reggiedunlop <iframe src='https://mb.boardhost.com/TheDeuce/info/user=reggiedunlop' width='330' height='300' border=0 style='border:none;'> on April 6, 2026, 12:08:54, in reply to "My mom was recently diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. What do I do?"

Good on you for thinking through all of this

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ATLMIL also has Alzheimer's. We moved them closer and got them a caregiver

Posted by ATL <iframe src='https://mb.boardhost.com/TheDeuce/info/user=ATL' width='330' height='300' border=0 style='border:none;'> on April 6, 2026, 12:04:32, in reply to "My mom was recently diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. What do I do?"

for 2-3 days a week. It really should be 5-6 days a week and some nights but my FIL was being a pill about spending the money. He's starting to understand why we wanted more help for her and it's starting to improve.

So to answer your questions:

1. Yes.
2. Yes if you can.
3. Yes.
4. I have no idea.

If you can swing it as a collective family, you should seriously consider a professional caregiver to spell your dad and yourselves. Take care of your health and your dad's too.

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“We are old and tired and just want to be taken care of.” - Republican voter, Dec. 2024.

where are your parents?*

Posted by bbonb <iframe src='https://mb.boardhost.com/TheDeuce/info/user=bbonb' width='330' height='300' border=0 style='border:none;'> on April 6, 2026, 11:55:12, in reply to "My mom was recently diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. What do I do?"

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I'm not sure you'll need an elder care lawyer, but getting some extra help will become an absolute

Posted by Warrin'_Illini $<iframe src='https://mb.boardhost.com/TheDeuce/info/user=Warrin\'_Illini' width='330' height='300' border=0 style='border:none;'>$ on April 6, 2026, 11:54:15, in reply to "My mom was recently diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. What do I do?"

must.

I have recently finished up helping my mom with my dad's hospice care at home. We had home health care people coming twice a day. You may not need that yet but be ready. Also, your parents are likely stubborn about what they can and cannot do. You should be ready to pull the trigger on extra help before they are.

Be as involved as you can. It's good that your brother still lives close and can help out. As far as the financial side, wouldn't your parents be on Medicare?

Sorry to hear about the diagnosis.

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You cannot lose games in the NFL and still win.

What does Medicare actually cover, though?*

Posted by Carl Spackler <iframe src='https://mb.boardhost.com/TheDeuce/info/user=Carl+Spackler' width='330' height='300' border=0 style='border:none;'> on April 6, 2026, 12:10:53, in reply to "I'm not sure you'll need an elder care lawyer, but getting some extra help will become an absolute "

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I could check but it seemed pretty generous. It didn't cover the home health care service

Posted by Warrin'_Illini $<iframe src='https://mb.boardhost.com/TheDeuce/info/user=Warrin\'_Illini' width='330' height='300' border=0 style='border:none;'>$ on April 6, 2026, 13:10:43, in reply to "What does Medicare actually cover, though?*"

but all appointments and equipment were covered. We had a special bed, wheelchair, lift equipment, etc.

Plus the whole brain surgery thing.

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You cannot lose games in the NFL and still win.

In my experience, almost nothing outside of doctors visits

Posted by DT <iframe src='https://mb.boardhost.com/TheDeuce/info/user=DT' width='330' height='300' border=0 style='border:none;'> on April 6, 2026, 12:20:14, in reply to "What does Medicare actually cover, though?*"

No in home assistance, no nursing home/assisted living expenses. Get a few days of nursing home rehab if they fall and break a leg or something, but they stop covering well before they can get by on their own at home. Medicare will cover occasional rehab appointments.

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Yeah this is consistent with what I’d read.*

Posted by Carl Spackler <iframe src='https://mb.boardhost.com/TheDeuce/info/user=Carl+Spackler' width='330' height='300' border=0 style='border:none;'> on April 6, 2026, 12:25:08, in reply to "In my experience, almost nothing outside of doctors visits"

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Just do a google/AI dude*

Posted by Stu <iframe src='https://mb.boardhost.com/TheDeuce/info/user=Stu' width='330' height='300' border=0 style='border:none;'> on April 6, 2026, 12:00:21, in reply to "I'm not sure you'll need an elder care lawyer, but getting some extra help will become an absolute "

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Chicken Little poster child

I have no advice....just wanted to say that I'm sorry. Dealing with aging parents is tough*

Posted by OWWDig <iframe src='https://mb.boardhost.com/TheDeuce/info/user=OWWDig' width='330' height='300' border=0 style='border:none;'> on April 6, 2026, 11:53:34, in reply to "My mom was recently diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. What do I do?"

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First thing to do is get a lawyer*

Posted by Stu <iframe src='https://mb.boardhost.com/TheDeuce/info/user=Stu' width='330' height='300' border=0 style='border:none;'> on April 6, 2026, 11:51:29, in reply to "My mom was recently diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. What do I do?"

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Chicken Little poster child

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