not your fault, it is theirs. However, they clearly have emotional deficits that you do not have to own nor accept. It is important for you to seek out appropriate mental health care to find your way to understanding and acceptance of your debilitating upbringing to heal and to grow out from under it.

I recommend against indulging the need for confrontation with them because it will NOT help. Without a true emotional revelation within themselves, they will never understand, so dont expect what they are incapable of giving. It will only set you backwards and towards failure.

I am a Clinical Psychologist with a second degree in Occupational Therapy. I see this kind of parental damage in my clients all too often.

Those who get past it and find success and eventual happiness regularly cut daily breaks for themselves when they recognize that they are flawed and needy. Forgiveness of your flaws really matters.

You are already ahead of the curve because you also give forgiveness, understanding, and empathy to others. Give it to yourself now too and you will recover.

Don't apologize for having needs. Acknowledge them, talk about them, and indulge them when it matters.

If professional help if cost prohibitive, seek out self help books to guide you. Join community mental health groups just to get feedback. Also, talk to your son's providers because family members who care for their children can often get mental health OT to counsel them too!

Be kind to yourself. You'll find your way.