Posted by jacque on December 14, 2025, 12:26 am Valued Poster
I often feel less inclined to share anything when others are facing severe challenges like Sia. I don't want to diminish the seriousness of others by sharing my own complications.
I have been dealing with challenges that effect family members more recently and my own health issues are not prioritized as a parent and guardian.
Because of recent events my son has had PCA services 'suspended' of sorts. Like other government employees PCA's are not able to receive pay for services. It is likely that staff will receive back pay they will not receive pay for late payment fees and penalties etc. while it is likely it is not guaranteed.
Because there have been fraudulent entities discovered who administer aid (no surprise really) most services have been 'suspended' in a time a scheduled transition of classification of services. (PCA vs CFFS) In essence group home care vs family home care.
Right now my son has staff that is working unpaid with a 'promise' of back pay after the new year.
No late fee reimbursements etc because of it. And definitely no bonus pay for attendance.
It's beyond frustrating that real individuals suffer because required government level oversight is found fraudulent in its administration.
live long and prosper as best you can Jacque
Yes, and the people who suffer
Posted by greenman on December 14, 2025, 10:49 am, in reply to "Speaking of adversity"
..are patients, family, and underpaid care providers.
While dt says "I think people should pay for their own healthcare"... others talk about taxpayers having to pay for the "subsidies" that Obamacare provides people to help pay for their insurance... as if sick people, or even regular healthy people, can afford to pay for rising insurance costs, let alone the cost of health care.
The republicans do NOT have a plan. They don't care about sick people. Honestly, it looks like they would rather just let the poor, sick and disabled just die or go bankrupt.
Likewise, dt doesn't think FEMA should exist, either. If hard times or an 'act of God' hits people, too bad... let them deal with it. Or let charity organizations deal with it.
They are too busy using taxpayer dollars to tear down and 'build' things like ballrooms, or building up the military to go to war somewhere... tearing things down and then rebuilding. At least they and their friends will get rich doing that, and they can then afford to buy their own healthcare.
I should add....
Posted by Skye on December 14, 2025, 1:06 pm, in reply to "Exactly" Valued Poster
...they can then afford to buy their own healthcare... that was/is SUBSIDIZED by the taxpayers in a never-ending cycle to enrich themselves... NOT the taxpayers.
Don't be silly. My Mum isnt like that. Your challenges dont take anything away from hers nor vice
Posted by Jaimelynn on December 14, 2025, 9:34 am, in reply to "Speaking of adversity" Sia's daughter
versa.
Never hesitate to speak up about what concerns your life, especially if it is troublesome and you need others to hear you.
Q: why do I automatically disregard my 'stuff'? Why do I stuff my uncomfortable thoughts and feelings?
I'm not not sure if empathy came naturally or it was something I learned at some point. But I know I have empathy. And I use it against myself.
I rarely received an empathetic ear. I was usually met with "Don't be a baby!" "That didn't hurt!" "That's not as bad as ..." "I had worse"
blah blah blah Kind of like 'you can't have the spotlight right now.' I was insignificant in every way.
I just learned to suppress most things because I would be dismissed. I was on my own in many ways growing up. It persists as an adult because human nature usually drives us to familiar patterns and people.
I don't have anyone in my life right now that comes to mind as someone I could trust with an empathetic ear. My family loves gossip or is easily manipulated by gossipers.
Maybe one friend. And my first thought always is 'I don't want to bother him with my BS it's no big deal. Nobody wants to hear this stuff.'
So I keep it to myself.
That's why I often preface my sharing difficulties with a self-deprecating and diminishing statement.
live long and prosper as best you can Jacque
That's just wrong on every level. Your original people failed you growing up. It is
not your fault, it is theirs. However, they clearly have emotional deficits that you do not have to own nor accept. It is important for you to seek out appropriate mental health care to find your way to understanding and acceptance of your debilitating upbringing to heal and to grow out from under it.
I recommend against indulging the need for confrontation with them because it will NOT help. Without a true emotional revelation within themselves, they will never understand, so dont expect what they are incapable of giving. It will only set you backwards and towards failure.
I am a Clinical Psychologist with a second degree in Occupational Therapy. I see this kind of parental damage in my clients all too often.
Those who get past it and find success and eventual happiness regularly cut daily breaks for themselves when they recognize that they are flawed and needy. Forgiveness of your flaws really matters.
You are already ahead of the curve because you also give forgiveness, understanding, and empathy to others. Give it to yourself now too and you will recover.
Don't apologize for having needs. Acknowledge them, talk about them, and indulge them when it matters.
If professional help if cost prohibitive, seek out self help books to guide you. Join community mental health groups just to get feedback. Also, talk to your son's providers because family members who care for their children can often get mental health OT to counsel them too!
Be kind to yourself. You'll find your way.
I've been in counseling for years (warning long post)
fighting oppressive depression and anxiety. Probably had some all my life, but I fell to pieces when my husband developed brain cancer.
Just about the time I think I'm winning a new crisis comes up. And "tag" I'm it. I am so weary of trying to fix things, and grow more fearful that soon I won't be able to do any more financially. It sucks
Self-awareness is yucky too . I know what's wrong. What's the depression, what is SAD, what is the anxiety, and when they're all ganging up on me like unwanted mental squatters.
I am grateful for the medication that helps keep things somewhat on an even keel (Welburton). It's been hard this last year as I still haven't come to grips with my new reality. It bugs me that I'm not strong enough (yet) to really just embrace it and move on.
Looking back, I see little things that built into bigger ones, but I didn't understand coping mechanisms.
I read about everyone here and see such strength and goodness. It's humbling.
I hope we can all take away something from your wise and kind words.
How is your Mum doing?
Her strength, tenacity, and caring attitude has always amazed me. I see where you get it from, or at least the good foundation! And I think she got a lot of it from her parents, as well. I pray that it will carry her and the family through this difficult time once again.
on December 14, 2025, 12:26 am
. I know what's wrong. What's the depression, what is SAD, what is the anxiety, and when they're all ganging up on me like unwanted mental squatters. 
