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so I'm ready for it.

The last couple days have not been real good for me...at least in a mental headspace. It started on Saturday night when I heard from an old friend that an ex of mine was found OD'ed a few weeks ago out in Nevada. Although not dead, she's pretty much a vegetable now. It brought back a ton of memories about our time together and especially how it ended. Me not wanting to move out there because I had just started a new job (this was around 2015, she was 26). And for years I had put it behind me. I was fine. This, also, happened to be the last real relationship I have been in. I've dated a few people since but it's been more of "just hanging out and having fun" but no real romance or connection.

Although I shouldn't feel guilty...I do. When I was with her, she wasn't having these issues. She liked to smoke pot and take edibles but it was never anything harder than that. All day at work, any song I heard, immediate "nostalgia" and not always good. Because it hurt so damn bad.

I do know this will pass and I'll be fine in a few days...but this absolutely sucks and it took me a few days to fully process what I wanted to say. I hadn't spoken to her since our last night together before she left. Not even a text or even facebook friend. It was like she fell off the earth.

Thanks for listening