And by modern, I mean in the past several years. Having spent so much time in the south, I have female friends (one in particular) who really preferred that word. But I know younger people who think of it as dated or frumpy.
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I guess I feel like “lady” has connotations of expected “feminine” behavior…like when I was a kid if I did something that was crude or tomboyish I was told that wasn’t “ladylike.” The implication being that because I was a girl, I should behave in a more restrained, civilized, or elegant way.
Whereas “woman” seems a generic way of referring to one who presents or identifies as female.
I don’t find “lady” offensive, and I use it in a humorous way (like referring to moiself as a “middle-aged lady”), but I would never allow it to be used in a book I’m editing (which are textbooks or professional references) to refer generally to females.