I'm not looking for suggestions or sympathy, just realizing this is my only outlet at this moment...Archived Message
Posted by Wotcher on January 20, 2024, 11:04:53
... which is its own dad issue I should try to fix. And after not having been on the board for a bit and scrolling through the threads, I'm just having a pity party and need some place to vent. Unfortunately, too many details may actually identify me, but...
I'm sitting here in C-U at my parents house trying to care for them as they both suffer through Influenza A. Bored out of my goard in the silence (well, except for all the coughing) while they nap. But since I feel responsible, I suppose it's the least I can do.
2024 has not begun well. I thought I was prepared for the eventual call that my father had passed. I was not prepared for the call that my otherwise healthy 23 year old niece had gone into cardiac arrest and died from a pulmonary embolism. That's not supposed to be how the world works. Spending the next week+ at my folks house while my wife and I helped support her brother and his wife... as much as anyone could even do in a situation like that. During the same time my best friend's mother passed away... not entirely shocking, but wasn't expected for a few months. Then my niece's visitation (which the number of people was unlike anything I've ever witnessed before in my life) and funeral, while along the way some well-wisher passed the flu virus to a number of the family, which I then passed on to my parents.
Anyway... it's the 20th of January and I've only been in my own home 7 days so far this year. Two deaths... one absolutely devastating, everyone sick but with me mostly recovered, my wife at home alone sick, and me here taking care of sick parents trying not to feel overly guilty about it being my fault. I've been trying to hold it all together as much as possible, for my wife, especially, who is understandably an emotional wreck... but I'm so tired. I've only slept more than 3-4 hours in any given night one time in the last 3 weeks. I'm not sure how much longer I can hold it together. I'm not ok at the moment.
Not sure I'll read any responses... if there are any. I just need to vent. The friend I normally do that with (a counselor, believe it or not!) is obviously in the midst of his own crisis at the moment with the death of his mother. Anyway... if you have family you're taking for granted, maybe try not to do that. Crazy shit happens and your life is suddenly worse than you expected it would be.